Right Prescription

House of Jokes to make you laugh, as Laughter is a good medicine to get healing in the Body and release tension in the mind,

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide".

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"  The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband".

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy!  I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband,  that's against the law? I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,  "You didn't tell me you had a prescription".

keep the sheets off his legs

House of Jokes to make you laugh, as Laughter is a good medicine to get healing in the Body and release tension in the mind;
This was posted to me and I feel it's the laugh of the day.

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to hospital, and was  admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse was rather astounded and she asked
"What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "Absolutely nothing for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs!"

Scottish Wedding

A wedding occurred just outside Govan in Glasgow..  To keep tradition going, everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking      the reception room and generally kicking the living daylights out of each other.      The Police get called in to break up the fight and the following  week, all members of both families appear in court.      Ronny the best man stands up and says "Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened".      The Judge agrees and Ronny takes the stand telling the court that it is traditional in a Govan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.      The judge says "OK".      "Well", said Ronny, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs".      Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!"      "HURT!" Ronny replies "Broke three of my fingers!" .

A bottle of Merlot

House of Jokes to make you laugh, as Laughter is a good medicine to get healing in the Body and release tension in the mind

Nice one Cyril. A bottle of Merlot A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’, and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'. After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off two inches. Just send the wine back!'

Her Well-Kept Secret...

House of Jokes to make you laugh, as Laughter is a good medicine to get healing in the Body and release tension in the mind Read this on BabaMail and thought its worth sharing it with you. 
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a locked chest on top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the chest, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the chest and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the chest. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the chest. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the other dolls.'

The Detective Parrot

House of Jokes to make you laugh, as Laughter is a good medicine to get healing in the Body and release tension in the mind

You must read down to the end as its quite funny!!!

 

The Defective Parrot. 
 
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. 
 
It doesn't have any feet or legs. 
 
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' 
 
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. 
I'm a defective parrot.' 
 
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 
 
'You actually understood and answered me. !' 
 
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 
 
'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird' 
 
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 
 
'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.? 
 
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my williearound this wooden bar, like a little hook. 
 
You can't see it, because of my feathers.' 
 
'Wow,' says the guy. 

 
'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?' 
 
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. 
 
I'm especially good at ornithology. 
 
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.' 
 
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 
 
'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.' 
 
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. 
 
You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!' 
 
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot. 
 
Weeks go by........ 
 
The parrot is sensational. 
 
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. 
 
The guy is delighted. 
 
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 
 
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the postman.' 
 
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. 
 
'When he delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.' 
 
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 
 
'THEN what happened?' 
 
'Well, he came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot. 
 
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?' 
 
'Yes. 
 
Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.' 
 
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?' 
 
DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!' 
 
If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day.

Retirement Gift

House of Jokes to make you laugh, as Laughter is a good medicine to get healing in the Body and release tension in the mind. Something I read today in Babamail, thought of sharing it with you this Joke:
The Retirement Gift
 It was George the Mailman’s last day. As he did his final rounds he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by a elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next house, the entire family gave him a set of fishing lures, and at the third house he received a box of fine cigars. But at the next house he was greeted by a sexy blonde wearing a skimpy negligee. Without a word, she signalled him to come inside. She gently took him upstairs and made mad passionate love to him. George certainly didn't mind. She then led him downstairs where she made him a huge breakfast of toast, sausage, eggs and hashbrowns. George was truly satisified. As he leaned forward to get his second cup of coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup. Curious, he asks the blonde, ”This is all wonderful and I appreciate everything..but…what’s the dollar for?” “Oh,” says the blonde, “I asked my husband last night what we should give you for your retirement. He said ‘Screw him! give him a dollar!’ She beamed at him. "The breakfast part was my idea!”